I wanted to share a snippet from my current WIP, When I'm Small, with you all for Blog Me MAYbe.
This is the first three paragraphs. Please tell me what you think! :)
It was all about appearances. Picture of poise. Picture of perfection. Never show what's inside. Never show pain. Never show you're broken.
Every morning, I pulled my hair back into a perfectly parted and slicked back ponytail. I made sure that my eyeliner was just so. Not too much make-up, just enough to play up my features. Fill in any scuffs on my fingernails and toenails. Iron out my outfit for the day. Coordinate shoes and handbag. Never, ever let anyone see my flaws. Never let anyone see me vulnerable. I didn't want a pity party. I was fine. Perfectly fine.
We were moving to Portland, Oregon. After my father's death, my mother couldn't stand to live in our house anymore. She didn't openly say this but I knew it. She would never come home after he died. She was always away on business or working late. Honestly, I couldn't stand it there anymore either. It was too painful being there, too quiet. There were too many memories, too many reminders of how our life had been with him there. Better. Happier.
Hi Madison, thanks for the follow. I think your writing style is pretty great but I do have to say there is a lot of telling. I want to 'see' that the MC's mother doesn't come home, not be told. How can you do this - ex: MC is waiting for mom to come home to cook dinner, but she never shows, etc... :-) I do think you have a strong voice (character wise) and I look forward to seeing more of your writing :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the great advice. I highly value constructive criticism. :) Thanks for the follow as well.
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